Sitting with Avadhoota Nadananda alone in the early hours of morning, we were talking and I noticed tears in his eyes. He was probably feeling something deep inside him. It was difficult to understand from which part of the world he acquired the sorrow that provoked those tears. When a man becomes the universe, his expressions are not bound to the emotions of immediate surroundings. I did not ask him the cause of his sorrows because it is irrelevant. The master is feeling and that is all. Guruji looked into my eyes, held my hand tightly and said “Maa Tara Mayee used to say, until and unless the man experiences the feelings of each atom of this universe, he has not achieved completeness. We should feel within us the fall of an ant as well as an overwhelming tsunami with equal intensity. We should be able to feel the pain of a falling leaf and the wail of a mother who lost her son in the war thousands of miles away. We should be able to share the experience of every being in every corner of the world. We should be in that kind of expansion and perfect inner silence so that we miss nothing while we ourselves experience being the universe.”
Unless we become every atom of the world, unless we dissolve this given personality that holds our existence together, we do not become truly complete. Our relevance on earth is our constitution. We are born to display it. Each and every creation is unique and relevant. Each one has significance. Every atom is complementary as well as individually complete by itself. But, perfection happens when there is no one versus the other. There is no one another. One is indeed another and another does not exist apart from the significance which is true reflection of the other – in other words, as a mirror image. Mirror never mirrors what is not. It faithfully portrays what is brought in front.
A thought wandered in my mind towards the binding factors of the modern man which accents his ignorance; especially the colonial hangover and the associated socio-moral baggage that the society puts on every citizen. The guilt built around our lives and the systems that govern our lives are part of the colonial hangover. Our life, lifestyle, behaviour patterns, thought process, concepts including our sexuality and its sundry expressions wear thick garbs of the acquired western garbage. A true saint never wears this garb. He is free from inside. His thought process is liberated. He is free. The society may never understand a true saint.
What Guruji implied went deep into me. The truth that was awaiting the golden ray to experience itself blossomed inside. A teardrop welled in my eyes. Perhaps I shared Guruji’s stillness of being the mirror at that moment. At that moment, while in the perfection of being totally a witness, the tear that reflected in the canvas was the tear drop of the world. It had nothing to do with my inside or the inside of Guruji. Guruji said, “Mohanji, the world may not understand a saint who exists to wipe the tears of the world despite his own pain. Only when one is capable of doing that, he becomes complete. One need not become a renunciate to attain that. Anybody can do that. Mine and “our’s” should become the last in the line of priority. One should not have any expectations or ego barriers. One should be free from inside and see the world as one’s own reflection”.
I said “Guruji, this is what I am trying to tell the world since years and trying to lead by example”. Guruji said “Nothing to worry. Your work will be well supported by the Guru Mandala.” Suddenly I realised the relevance of this conversation. Guruji, representing the guru Mandala is approving my activities or asking me to keep walking and not be perturbed by the people and situations that sometimes slows us down unceremoniously. I thanked the Guru Mandala for guiding without me actually posing a question.
Guruji told me, “Mohanji, you are physically tired. Why don’t you take some rest?” I realised that my trip to London and the hectic activities in Chennai, the travel to Bangalore and later to Kurnool, there was no time to take any rest. Later on, I lay on the bed in the room. Suddenly, I started feeling pain of separation or betrayal as if Guruji is allowing me to experience what was going on in his canvas that very morning. Figures, images, people I do not know, appeared as slaves of emotions, anger, hatred and prejudices and were throwing stones at Guruji who was standing in a place that resembled a crater. All these people stood around the crater. No stones hit Guruji as he was transparent and the stones passed through him and most of the stones hit each other.
Suddenly I realized I am there too. I realised that I am not afraid of the stones or the situation. At that point in time, I was only concerned about Guruji. I was desperately trying to guard him, protect him. The unfamiliar faces had no mercy. They were continuously throwing stones. Guruji looked at me and smiled. Winked his eyes which told me “Nothing to worry”. Then he whispered “Let us experience this game of ingratitude together. It has nothing to do with you or me. It has to do with the experience that they chose, by betraying our presence, trust and love for them. Our world has only unconditional affection and compassion to offer.
They envy our world. They are trying to trade their hatred towards themselves for a piece of what we have with us. We give what we have without accepting their trade offer. We have always given them free. Our tradition has given it to them along with the oxygen and sunlight that the God Almighty supplied without boundaries and remunerations. Be thankfulness in this thankless world. Be gratefulness amongst ingratitude. Reflect them their true image while remaining your true image without distortions. None of the stones can hit us. You see, we do not exist. They do not know that we do not exist.” He laughed. “The other name for human race is INGRATITUDE.” He laughed. I suddenly caught the thread of his laughter and laughed with him.
The faceless people around us were becoming tired. The men, women and children were sweating and bleeding. Nothing was happening to Guruji or me. At that moment, a thought welled in my mind “What if I do not understand you Guruji?”. He laughed again. I observed him. He looked into my eyes, “It shall NEVER happen, (He emphasised on the word NEVER) because there is no YOU separate from I. You and I are one and we know it. You can call it oneness or duality inside the oneness. We may look and seem separate. But, essentially, we have no separation.
Neither am I separate from my mother/Guru Tara Mayee. Neither is she separate from her Guru Nithyananda. We all are one. My love for you is my love for myself and my Guru and our guru parampara. We are united by them or even we are created by them. If you digest this information clearly, there will be no duality in your mind and you will know NO separation from me. You should not worry if there is a chance you will stray from the path. That is impossible because you are us, you are the tradition and there is NO YOU apart from the tradition. If you stray, the whole tradition strays and that is impossible. Tradition is older than any of its projections and incarnations.”
As if he picked up my thoughts he said “Mohan, (usually Guruji calls me Mohanji. This time he addressed me as Mohan which I felt as if a father is calling his son, a more intimate and inseparable connection”) do not fear contamination of any kind. We are guarding you. Your job is to be in the world of various frequencies. You belong to the world. You are sent by us to deliver our principles and teachings to the world. You are already doing that and you will do that as long as it takes. Please be prepared to stay a little while longer in your body than we had originally planned as I myself have done.
No task will weigh you down as we will carry your weight. We shall walk for you. We shall talk for you. We are you – remember that always. You are providing a different flavour into this world from what we have provided. You will be remembered to be an exponent of this particular flavour. The flavour called Mohanji will remain unique in the world through generations. You will remain unique and you should. Do not imitate. Be fiercely independent.” Then I observed that the all the faceless people who were throwing stones have left. All that remained were a hill of stones and on that hill we were sitting.
Then I realised that almost all the masters of the Mandala were there. I was filled with awe and wonder. A sudden thought happened. “We are sitting on the stone hill of ingratitude. Is the tradition built on stones of ungratefulness?” One of the masters smiled and replied “This hill represents the society that all of us have handled when we walked this earth. They are not the issue. The issue is our stability and adherence to the tradition. We must face the storm of fire and yet deliver our truth against all odds so that it can penetrate the deepest layers of resistance that ignorance creates in people”. Another master said, “Remember, we are sitting ON those stones of ingratitude, we are above them.” One other master said “Nobody, no true master was ever spared by the generations that they belonged to. But, we are above generations. We belong to nobody, nothing, not even time”.
A lady, strikingly beautiful and radiant, obviously a great master or Goddess herself said, “Truth is our unity. You will not be affected. We shall take care of you”. I thought, “Those who threw stones at Guruji and me were faceless. They represent the ignorance and ego that possess the minds of generations. The very purpose of our incarnations could be to allow them to exhaust their stones that they can empty themselves and attain our level of awareness. Only after a storm can we truly experience the calm. A different understanding! A different awareness! Suddenly, I felt overwhelming love towards all those who hurt me in life through their thoughts, words, actions or just passivity while I was being subjected to those stones. I began to realise that they were also the reason for this incarnation of mine.
They were manifestations of duality that I must face on earth. This is the same as night and day. This is the same as heat and cold, happiness and sorrows, salt and sugar, summer and winter, so on and so forth. Nothing in life has absolute value apart from the associated experience. This is the world of relative experiences. Emotions, actions and thoughts are all temporary. They all have their life and death, including human relationships. Then why CRY? A master said “While in a human body, be human. Then grow beyond it and be a saint. Then grow beyond it and become God”. Oh. Okay. So, we must feel. We must have emotions and expectations, but in moderation. But, we must always nurture the eternal dhuni (fire) of awareness so that we remain in the remembrance of our true nature.
Guruji looked at me and smiled. I remembered what he told me some time ago “Mohanji, remember you are a human being at least at times.” Well, when we feel the body, we are the human dimension. When we do not, we look at our human dimension and remember the human dimension as well that we nurture simultaneously with every other dimensions which keeps us limitless. In other words, the pains make us feel the human dimension more than happiness because pains have its root in ignorance while happiness has its root in awareness. Perpetual awareness is what we are and it is an experience. We constantly experience that we are each atom that maintains the universe, at the same time; we are beyond the atoms and boundaries as well. So, why do we fear ant bites? It hurts for some time and then heals by itself.
A master looked at me and said “You have everything you need. All powers, awareness and the substratum to express it. Remember what he said (pointing at Guruji), you are never separate from us. You need not worry and NO FEAR. You do not have to be the greatest; but you are the latest in the eternal stream of tradition. So, you and us are one. Greatness happens when there is selflessness. It is happening. It will happen. Greatness belongs to the tradition. Tradition projects greatness on its projections. All the masters of our tradition are great. We wanted nothing from the world, but we gave all we could to the world purely as a medium without attachments.”
A thought came in mind “What about my global family? All those who love me so sincerely? Are they not my responsibility?” The beautiful lady spoke “They are our responsibility. You are them for us and they are you for us, and we all are one. We have no separation.” She stopped for a few seconds. SILENCE… But that silence was filled with togetherness and deepest affection. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE filled the space. I could see many more faces sitting in the hill of stones. Vittal Babaji, Baba Ganeshananda, Sai Baba and all the other masters who I have met in this life. I felt the unity and onessness between all of them..
The lady spoke again “It is with full awareness that we created you. We are aware of the problems that you encounter as you spread our love in the world. Do not be afraid. As long as you have no doership, as long as you represent us, you are as transparent as you experienced a short while ago. All the stones and troubles will pass through you and will not affect you. This is your last incarnation. You will experience all flavours of life, the good and the bad of it in this incarnation, then you will become one of us and will continue to guide without a form, based on the form of this incarnation.
The current form is emphasised by us to facilitate your future work over a thousand years in subtle form. Do not worry about the ups and downs. Do not worry about the understanding and misunderstanding. Just have no doership. Everything else will be fine. If you identify yourself with this incarnation, even we will not be able to help. So, just be. Just be one with us, by shedding doership at all times and surrendering the good and bad to us. Be natural. There are no do’s and don’ts apart from ownership, expectations, selfishness and violence. Experience life and liberate those experiences.” This was mother the goddess.
Specific instruction! And when I looked at Guruji, I was only seeing myself. All around was myself, nobody else. Every master resembled me, except the beautiful lady. She looked at me with lots of motherly affection and compassion. I closed my eyes to establish that glance and that feeling deep into the cells of my existence. Someone spoke while I was deep inside me, the womb of my own existence. “Your past has no value. Remember your rebirth every moment. Discard the pains as they are residue of your expectations associated with your love for the beings of the world. Love thy enemies. Enemies without enmity are you. So, love thy enemies as thyself. Let them play their role of hating you. Let others play the role of loving you. Both cannot be considered as permanent. We are the only permanence and the only truth is that we are one. Remember this always.
Our dear child Avadhoota Nadananda, who we are proud of, has done his part. He connected you with us in every realm. Now, there is no separation. Just live life as it happens. Even if others hurt you, you should only give affection. Share yourself with the world as you are sharing us with the world. There are no YOU.” I remembered what Guruji told me a few months ago “Mohanji, do not make the mistake that I made in this life out of sheer compassion. Do not take on other people’s diseases and baggage on yourself. You have to cater to a wide world. Remain neutral with karmic beings, remain pure. I shall make sure that nothing will affect you.” Another voice started when the other voice stopped.
I realised that I was not hearing with my ears, rather hearing through my inner ears, within. “Being a total Sanyasi is easier to handle the tasks entrusted upon you. We know that. We know your difficulties. But, understand that this style and flavour that you are giving to the world has a purpose and that is what we created. The key purpose is identification. The world has to identify with you to get your message which is our message. Being a householder, you are more approachable as well as you have more difficulties in drawing the line than a total renunciate. All sorts of people will come to you, and people will come with different agenda. You cannot hide from or choose any. You have to accept everything that comes your way, give them what they need and stay a renunciate inside at all odds.
Remember the story of Sage Vyasa when after eating a stomach full, when he told River Yamuna “If I have not eaten anything, let the river part” and it did, while Lord Krishna at another location said his belly is full, without visibly eating anything. Many may not understand you. Many may misrepresent and misunderstand you. But, do not worry, in the end, your glory will also be reciprocal to your dilemmas. We shall constantly be with you, guarding you. You are one of us.”
The beautiful lady said as a reassurance to my reluctant mind and native introversion “Remember my son, you are our child. You are born to keep the flame of dharma burning.”
A master said “Like the gunas that govern flavours in incarnations, you will see difference in avadhootas too. Do not be stuck with concepts about how an avadhoota should be. Do not be deluded by their appearance. Some of them would be completely occupied in the supreme and will be totally inside. Every cell will be filled with pure energy without a speck of karmic residues. They will have nothing to do with earth even though they exist on earth. They may not take bath, wear clothes or even eat anything. They may look like mad men in abandon. They live as living examples of the ultimate truth in human body. Even Gods come to worship them. Then, there are some from us, who would eat, drink, smoke, drink and sleep like ordinary people while doing extra ordinary things.
Our job is to preserve Dharma through service. We pave the path towards salvation through service. We may eat anything and sleep anywhere. None should imitate us, because this is the expression of our stature, and not choice. We digest everything because of our stature. This should be clearly told to people. Then there is a third type, who would live in relative luxury, enjoy the so called finer things of life or worldly fruits and even be part of the social structure such as marriage and children, but, will be one of us. They are difficult to understand and even emulate. Their teachings should be followed. They wear this garb to connect to some strata of society which understand this language. Thus, time and again, our tradition provides elevated masters to rescue the beings reeling in darkness of ignorance to light. No guru is an alternative to another. Every guru of our tradition is absolute in their own right. Their rules are set by us. They follow the rules of guru Mandala which are rules based on sanatana dharma. They are not bound by your set of man-made rules even though they never break any social laws by default. But, do understand that they are free from all things that you consider as important for existence. Explain this to your people so that they may understand and learn to appreciate.”
One question lingered in my mind “Who is the right follower or disciple? Who can receive the ultimate possible from me?” The answer came instantly from an unknown mouth, “The one who is eligible. The one who needs nothing from anyone is closer to your stature. He will find you or you will find him and you both will remain together till eternity. The one who needs a lot from you is just an ordinary terrestrial mind-oriented being. It is simple. Those who are ready for you will be able to see you, recognise you and will be with you forever. The rest will only see the external and will leave you. So, you need not worry about this matter, we shall take care of it. A true master will look like an ordinary man through the eyes of the ordinary people. Those who are high in frequency will automatically recognise you. You have various proofs for that, the masters who are sitting around here have all recognised you, accepted you and respected you. Some could not. They are not here with you. So, this is how life ahead will happen for you.” I could feel the overflowing unconditional love of Vittal Babaji, Baba Ganeshananda, Vasudevan Swami, Avadhoota Nadananda, Devi Amma, Vanamali Amma, Chaitanyananda and many others. Their eyes of protection and power. It was overwhelming.
The words that the unknown masters spoke merged with my inherent vibrations and I sank in deep silence where everything disappeared.
The experience was ending; I was beginning to feel my body. The voice kept ringing in my mind “We are one. Do not worry. We will NEVER abandon you.”
A knock at the door. Kamath. “Would you like to have a coffee?” I came back to the world of my body.